If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
