What a fucking waste of an outfit
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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