I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
