Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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