i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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