It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
