I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
