there's paper in my vomit.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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