Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
