the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize