puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
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we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
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Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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