If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
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I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
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The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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