cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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