My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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