You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
