check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
