I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
