Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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