just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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