Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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