do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
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He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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