Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
