how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
