I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
