Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
