i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
there was a trapeze. enough said
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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