Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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