Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
