I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
