she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
