Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize