What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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