yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
there's paper in my vomit.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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