her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
