He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
