Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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