every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
