Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My dick has a subreddit
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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