dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
