You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need to sanitize my soul.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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