This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just found puke in my bra..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
