SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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