Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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