Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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