so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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