I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There's always time for handjobs
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
