If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
