I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
