I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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