No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
