Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
