how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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