would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
