so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
