just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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