I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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