I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
