Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
