Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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