porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
