Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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