Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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