I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
