she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
