3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
