It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
