what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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